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You Know Your A Real
Horse Person When...
you change lanes while driving and your "inside" leg moves
to apply pressure.
you click to your dog.
you click to your friends.
your daughter's birth announcement reads: "it's a filly!"
you've taught your dog to longe.
there is at least one saddle in your living room.
you wonder if Hoofmaker doubles as a moisturizer.
while jogging, your "inside" leg extends farther to help
you balance.
you think the 5th fairway would make a great galloping lane.
while walking your dog, you hold the leash like a rein.
you post over speed bumps.
you half-halt your dog while out walking.
you explain to your child's pediatrician that you knew the child was
sick because he was off his feed.
you show up in city clothes dressed for appointments and when you get
there people reach over the breakfast table to pick alfalfa out of your
hair.
you're trying to get by a co-worker in a restricted space and instead
of saying "excuse me" to him/her, you cluck at them instead.
no one wants to ride in your car because they'll get sweet feed and
hay in their socks and purses...but that's ok because then you'd have to
rearrange all the tack to make room for them, anyway!
your spouse does something nice for you and you say "good
boy" or "atta girl" and pat him/her on the neck.
your boyfriend complains that you love your horse more then you love
him and you answer: "And your point is?"
you are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but
don't mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food.
you consider a pristine golf course as a waste of good pasture land.
you buy duct tape by the case, and carry rolls in your pocketbook,
your briefcase, and the console of your car.
you plan your pregnancy around the show season so you can send your
horse to your dressage instructor for training during the eighth and
ninth months.
you dress like a lawyer on weekdays and someone who needs a lawyer on
your days off.
you pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.
you seriously consider trading your 1996 Buick for a 1988 Diesel
crewcab dually pickup truck, even swap.
you realize that finding a horse shoe truly is lucky because you've
saved ten bucks.
your trying to get by a co-worker in a restricted space and instead
of saying "excuse me"to him/her, you cluck at them instead.
you say "whoa" to the dog.
you say "whoa" to your kids.
you say "whoa" to your truck.
your spouse brings the new saddle to bed so it can be worked on it
while watching TV.
you see the vet more than you see your child's pediatrician.
your horse gets new shoes more often than you.
you put a gun rack in your pickup truck to carry dressage whips and
riding crops.
for once you have extra money to buy yourself something, and you get
the check out counter and decide that you don't really need that shirt
anyway. That $25 could be an entry fee!
the real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for,
and you say, "More than six acres."
you are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as
a gift. "They really cared!!!"
you actually like all horse items, any horse items, regardless of
execution.
you stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
you actually get to a point where flies don't bother you so much.
your horse gets more compliments for grooming than you do.
you've considered moving into the barn, since it is cleaner than the
house.
your spouse hangs around the barn hoping to get a massage when you've
finished on your horse.
you go to the museum with a non-horsy friend and, whilst wandering
through the ancient bronzes, suddenly realize he is asking
exasperatedly, 'Well? What about the conformation on this one?"
you run your tongue over your back molars and idly wonder if they
need to be floated.
you can find your boots in the dark by the aroma.
you leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache, and
all those feelings disappear the minute you go through the first gate to
the ranch.
you hate posing for pictures unless you're on your horse.
you spend a lot of $ on a trip to Europe and end up spending most of
your time watching horses.
you chirp to, cluck to or spur your truck/car.
the concept of sleeping in on the weekends has long since faded from
your memory.
you don't have to be asked by your non-horsy family what you want for
Christmas anymore...they now get their own horse catalogs.
you keep a spare curb chain in your purse for emergencies.
the family photos are in the bedroom; the horse photos in the den.
the board check is paid before any other bill.
your instructor and vet are the only non-family on your speed-dial.
you always have new foal pictures in your wallet.
the photo Christmas cards feature the horses.
you have memorized the addresses of your breed association and AHSA.
you've spent so much time at the boarding stable that people think
you're the maintenance man.
you wear NASCAR baseball caps to horse shows so people won't ask you
questions that you can't answer.
you coax your horse into the trailer with a carrot, give him a bite,
and walk out finishing it yourself. (family germ theory apparently
extends to horses).
You know you're a hunter/jumper/etc. when...
every log / yard fence / flower garden / etc. looks like a good
fence.
your dog jumps something and you sigh, "her knees were
uneven!"
you count how many steps (strides) you take in between the cracks
in the sidewalk, the shadows of trees, etc.
you count strides to the beat of the music in your car and pretend
that the telephone poles are the jumps.
You Know You're A Horse Person When ...
This file is collected by Tara Scholtz (tara@wam.umd.edu) from
postings to rec.equestrian & Equine-L. Please attribute the
appropriate person if quoting from this document. This was last updated
on December 18, 1995.
From: gibson@sis.bms.com
You look at all the piles of laundry sitting next to your Washing
machine and most of them are breeches, horse blankets, saddle pads,
etc... plus you don't even care about the horsey hair residue that will
be left in the washer/dryer.
From: Renee Castleberry (rcastleb@law.fsu.edu)
*Your husband brings the new saddle to bed so he can work on it while
watching TV.
*You trade your yuppie mobile for a truck, so you can better accommodate
your horses.
*You see the vet more than you see your child's pediatrician.
*The floor plan of the house you're building accommodates a horse
lifestyle.
*You clean a horse's sheath and don't hurl.
*You groom your horse and you haven't been to a beautician in ?
*Your horse gets new shoes more often than you.
From: BURCAR@SYSA.ADM.DUKE.EDU
*Your secretary does a "hay check" on your suit each morning
and your first stop in the office is the ladies room to remove the
shavings from your shoes.
From: Lisa C Krakowka (hck1@cornell.edu)
*You patch your mud boots with duct tape and slog through knee deep mud
to get hay to your horse, who has commandeered the ONLY dry spot for
miles.
*You get up at 5am every morning while your in college, drive 10 miles
to the barn, feed, muck stalls, ride, and rush back to your 10am class
smelling like a barn without complaining.
*You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't
mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food
... You know you are a horse AND a dog person when you don't mind
throwing the frozen manure balls for the barn's goldie to fetch!
From: "Osborne E.M." (emo@summit.novell.com)
*You buy about 15 lbs. of carrots a week, but wouldn't eat a carrot if
somebody paid you.
*Your non-horsy friend gives you a funny look after glancing into the
back seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and
spurs.
*You say "whoa" to the dog.
*You pass up attractive social invitations because they'd conflict with
your lesson schedule.
*The back of your station wagon is an auxiliary tack box.
*You choose your SO partly on the basis of his attachment to your
horses.
*Your mother, who has no grandchildren, gets cards addressed to Grandma,
signed by the horses and the dog.
*You don't even want to think about how your car would be paid for, your
mortgage would be much smaller, and you might have some savings if you
didn't have horses.
From: Wendy Milner (wendy@cnd.hp.com)
*You know you're a horse person when you buy land and decide to build
the barn before the house so your horses have a place to stay. Then you
move into the barn yourself and forget about the house.
*You know you're a horse person when you talk about having a baby and
people give you a really strange look and say, I didn't know you were
pregnant. Oops, it's the four legged kind.
From: Peter Neilson (neilson@pmin28.osf.org)
*You give directions to your house and say, "It has lots of horse
trailers in the front yard."
*You pull change from your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.
*Someone says, "Does anyone have a screwdriver?" and you hand
them a hoofpick.
*The doctor says the bump on your finger is an inflamed tendon sheath,
and you tell him, "Oh, you mean a windpuff."
*You cannot imagine why anyone would think it kinky to own whips.
*The real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for, and
you say, "More than six acres."
From: "Jennifer R. Berry" (jrb@ag-eco.tamu.edu)
*For once you have extra money to buy yourself something, and you get
the check out counter and decide that you don't really need that shirt
anyway. That $25 could be an entry fee!
From: Adrienne Regard (regard@hpsdde.sdd.hp.com)
*I was gonna say "the horses get fed first." but around my
house it's "the horses are the only ones that get fed by me. Kids
fend for themselves."
*you save the hoof shavings for the dog.
*you poke your honey in the ribs, saying, "over", in the
kitchen.
*you clean your tack after *every* ride but never ever wash the car.
*you have the worming, lesson and farrier schedules in your head, but
frequently miss the kid's piano lessons, girl scouts, or changing the
oil in the car.
*you yell at the kids, and the horse's name pops out.
*on rainy days, you organize the tack room, not the house.
*your tax refund is targeted to a new saddle, not the family vacation.
*you are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as a
gift. "They really cared!!!"
*you actually like all horse items, any horse items, regardless of
execution.
*you stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
*books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are
incorrect.
*you actually get to a point where flies don't bother you so much.
From: Debbie Levine (deblev@nimoy.ipac.caltech.edu)
*you use the house-hunting trip your new employer provides to figure out
where you will board your horse.
*you often sneak furtively into Laundromats and pretend that you really
didn't just put that stinky, filthy horse blanket into the
comforter-sized machine.
*you run your tongue over your back molars and idly wonder if they need
to be floated.
*you go to the museum with a non-horsey friend and, whilst wandering
through the ancient bronzes, suddenly realize he is asking
exasperatedly, 'Well? What about the conformation on this one?"
From: Ann Stjern (stjerna@chop.isca.uiowa.edu)
*ALL of your pockets have hay in them.
*You have a small knife on your key chain (and you're a woman)
*You buy more carrots & apples than you can possibly eat.
*You plan corn on the cob for dinner just so you can feed the cobs to
your horses for a treat
*The highlight of your day is working with your horses and your SO works
by your side cuz its the highlight of his day too
*You have more pictures of your horses in your office than you have of
your family.
From: Martha Cather (martha@baervan.nmt.edu)
*You build a garage that you're going to live in while you build the
house, build a barn instead, and still live in a 1 room house after 11
years of marriage and (somewhat) gainful employment. Just wish my barn
was something to brag about (-:
From: "Nancy J. McLaughlin" (njm@nature.Berkeley.EDU)
*You leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache, and
all those feelings disappear the minute you go through the first gate to
the ranch.
From: Meredith Hansen (hansenm@cwis.unomaha.edu)
*You open the door to the closet where you keep your boots and the aroma
of manure wafts out.
*You can find your boots in the dark by the aroma.
*You drive up in the yard, get out of the car and inhale the perfume of
the manure pile.
*You talk to the horses like they were kids.
*All your stock has 4 legs.
From: John D'Addamio (jd@slugbt.zso.dec.com)
*The only picture of you that your wife (husband, SO, whatever) has of
you shows you on your horse.
*You hate posing for pictures unless you're on your horse.
*You spend a lot of $ on a trip to Europe and end up spending most of
your time watching horses.
*You chirp to, cluck to or spur your truck/car.
*You say whoa to your truck/car.
*You don't notice the barn smells on your clothes/shoes and wonder why
"regular" folks are sniffing the air
*Most of your social life is with other horse folk.
*Cooky McClung's stories in The Chronicle of the Horse, however
humorously told they might be, sound like a "normal" life.
*You get so mad that you can't get cable TV out at your farm that you
put in a satellite dish just so you can get more horse sports coverage
From: aal_sal@pavo.concordia.ca
*you have a _terrible_ fall off your horse, and your only concern is if
the horse is okay. (And when you get dragged into the hospital, you have
a hairline fracture in your leg. Trust me, I know!)
*all of your favorite stories involve all your falls off horses, and
other near death experiences and you actually LAUGH about the time you
got dragged around the field by a spooked horse!
From: Truman Prevatt (prevatt@lds.loral.com)
*You buy more carrots in five pound bags and lament because they don't
come in 10 pound bags.
*You buy watermelon when you don't even like watermelon so that you can
give it to your horses.
*You spend more time ridding in your truck going to horse events than
you spend at home.
*The only pictures in your office have are of your horses.
*The concept of sleeping in on the weekends has long since faded from
your memory.
*You known more about equine nutrition than human nutrition and it
shows.
From: Sue Littlefield (littlefi@everest.den.mmc.com)
*You get to the checkouts at the grocery and the only things you're
buying are 5 gallons of corn oil and 10 pounds of carrots. Oh and maybe
a frozen burrito if you have enough money left
From: Marsha Jo Hannah (hannah@pomponio.ai.sri.com)
*All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been
worn to the barn.
*You keep a horse Grooma by the front door, to get the horsehair off of
your Levis after riding bareback.
*You're buying clothes, and you choose them on the basis of whether you
can wash horse slobber/manure out of them.
*You grump at your husband for eating so much of the apple crop, for
fear there won't be enough left to last the horses until next year.
*You live with electric fencing tape around the lawn, so the horses can
mow it for you.
*You've got a perpetually skinned place on your knuckles or the heel of
your hand, from when the hoof rasp/pick slips.
*Folks ask incredulously how many horses you have, because your bulletin
board at work is covered with 10 pictures of each horse and only a
couple of your spouse or your kids (human, canine, or feline).
*You've forgotten what a vacation is, because you spend all your paid
time off (re)building fence, meeting the vet, going to shows, etc.
From: Jon Barber (jon@csinc.mn.org)
*You're about to petition the Town Board and the County Commissioners to
grant you a variance to build a larger building than the zoning laws
allow. Where else is one s'posed to ride in bad weather? ( ) $20,000
just to have a place to ride????)
*You don't try to figure out your to-date-expenses for the critters, cuz
you don't want to know, and it doesn't matter. (It's the same with
flying)
*You get out of your warm bed at 3:00 AM, and go outside to let the
horses in cuz it's snowing (that wet, heavy stuff). If that's not
enough, you scrape off the snow, and even dry them off a little, before
going back to bed. (Only to leave for work at 6, and see them back
outside, with 2 inches of snow piled on their backs. No, *that* won't
happen again.)
*Your breezeway/mud room has hay & crud all over the floor, a saddle
on a rack along the wall, misc. tack hanging from the chairs, muddy
boots & gloves, etc. lying about. Someone's coming to visit. You
don't care.
*After it snows, the pathway to the manure pile is the first thing that
gets cleared, then the front porch and sidewalk.
*You aren't interested in watching the news, but have to, in order to
catch the weather, so you know if the barn needs to be left open for the
horses.
*Supper time is generally at 8PM, and everyone has been home since
before 5.
*You RUSH to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the
pasture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. Good, clean fun!
*You trade your nice, nearly-new Suburban for a 1-ton 4x4 pickup, so you
can haul hay & straw for the critters. (And have that 454 engine for
pulling the trailer up those looooong hills.)
From: Alexis Haines (AHAINES@ib.rl.ac.uk)
Not sure I should be admitting to this: You find hay in your bed too :*)
From: Sallijan Snyder (jsnyder@td2cad.intel.com)
*you launder your stable clothes before your work clothes (tho'
sometimes the categories overlap).
*you'd rather stay up with a friend's sick horse than baby-sit her kids.
BUT
*you will baby-sit a friend's kids while she stays up with a sick horse,
even though you HATE babysitting.
*you go on a diet for your horse's sake, but not your SO's.
*you giggle when the horse you're driving farts in your face.
*You know you're a horse person when a new friend walks in your door for
the first time. Takes a smell and says with a smile, "I didn't know
you had horses." ;)
*When your bicycle is mostly used as a bridle and saddle rack.
From: "Nancy J. McLaughlin" (njm@nature.Berkeley.EDU)
*The only thing your friends, colleagues, passing acquaintances can
think of when they see you is "How are the horses?" or
"How many horses do you have now?" or "Are you still
riding?"
From: "James A. McCameron" (a842051@dseg.ti.com)
*you get knocked down and split you lip wide open on the horses halter
because you were doing something you KNOW you shouldn't have been doing,
and with blood running down your face your first concern is making sure
the horse is alright, calmed down, and put in his stall. Then you go to
the hospital for stitches.
From: ROSEMARIE ARBUR (ra04@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu)
*You take your notes to the barn and study for midterms while brushing
your horse and you know you're a HORSE PERSON WHEN You see Tracey
brushing her horse and studying for midterms, and you just nod to
yourself: "of course."
From: Tami Kramer (tami@dxcern.cern.ch)
*You spend more on that 6 year old jumper than you've EVER spent on a
car!
*You get your income tax refund and the first thing you do is head for
the tack shop.
*You go on a diet, not to be more attractive, but to be a better rider.
*Co-workers start pointing out green slobber or straw on your clothes.
You solution is to start wearing exclusively "hunter green".
*Every time you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours and you can't imagine
where the time went.
From: Joe Kriz (joekriz@delphi.com)
Your first sign of spring isn't see a robin, but seeing a fly.
From: kakriege@zebu.cvm.msu.edu [Karen]
no, flies mean that warm weather is here to stay. the first sign of
spring is horses shedding (make sure you stay upwind when brushing-got
covered the other day)
From: Warner Granade (jwg2y@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU)
*You get a little whiff of manure smell and breathe deeper to get the
full impact. That goes double for the smell of leather.
From: Bill Chamberlain (bchamber@leo.vsla.edu)
*when your horse has its mane pulled more often than you get a hair cut.
*When you buy lime and grass seed instead of the clothes you need for
other work.
From: kakriege@zebu.cvm.msu.edu [Karen]
*one of your favorite smells in the world is horse sweat on leather
*you are riding a bike and tell it "whoa" when you stop
*after you just got stepped on, and a non-horse person asks you if you
are alright, and you say "what"? not realizing what they are
talking about.
*you tell a friend that you have to get home to feed your horse, which
you do. this done while your own stomach growls, because you haven't
eaten all day. you than decide it won't take that much longer to clean a
few stalls.
*you can't remember the word "heel" but instead refer to it as
your "hock" (this is also done with other "parts" of
the body, etc)
*you are one of the few people around that can fix "things"
being used to repairing fences, etc that you horses have taken down.
From: Lynn Jolicoeur (ao280@FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
*When you find shavings and hay in your pants
*When you use horse products for yourself (shampoo) because you can only
afford one or the other and you know shampoo for humans is not recommend
for horses.
*When you are down and depressed and you go and talk to your best friend
YOUR HORSE .
From: Nancy van Zwol (tango@lindy.Stanford.EDU)
*You go to the gas station and ask the attendant to check the air in the
"off hind" (and you know you're in Portola Valley when the
young man immediately walks to the right rear tire!)
From: Jody Gregersen (jig@flagstaff.Princeton.EDU)
*You live hand to mouth and somehow come up with the $800 for emergency
vet bills.
*a non-horsey co-worker asks how your horse is and you think:
"she's not doing very well since you just changed to a milder bit
but you want to give her a chance to get used to it.", and you say
"Fine." Because you know if you say what you are REALLY
thinking, by the time you're done, your co-worker will be sitting there
with a blank look on her face.
*You don't think that weather is just casual conversation. It is very
important so that you can figure out your horse's wardrobe for the
day/night.
*your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles,
halters, blanket racks, trunks, trophies and ribbons.
*there are bits soaking in your bathroom sink.
*you save every horse magazine you have ever bought.
*you show up at work with bran mash (unbeknownst to you) all over the
back of your coat.
*your car is the only one in the company parking lot with mud splashes
on the windshield.
*your car is the only one in the company parking lot that has an inch of
dust INSIDE and when you open the door, a swarm of flies emerge.
*you drive by ANY field ANYWHERE and look very hard for horses. This
includes trips to foreign countries.
*your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't
remember to take vitamins yourself.
*you can't make it to work because of bad weather, but somehow still
make it to the barn.
*you feel tired all day at work and then go to the barn and ride 3
horses.
*you can pinpoint anything you might need in 2 seconds in your tack
trunk but seem to have misplaced this month's electric bill.
*the first bills you pay each month are all horse related. You don't
really *need* a phone anyway (unless you have to call the vet -- oops,
better pay that one).
You know you're a hunter/jumper/ct person when: you count how many steps
(strides) you take in between the cracks in the sidewalk, the shadows of
trees, etc. You also know you're a h/j/ct person if you count strides to
the beat of the music in your car and pretend that the telephone poles
are the jumps (OK, now I'm showing my compulsive behavior).
From: KRISS POTTER (ep503kp@pts.mot.com)
You kick the car floor to make it go.
From: taylorn@kenyon.edu
Your mother has a run in the bottom of her hose and you tell her she has
a split hoof. (My husband did this, not me.)
From: Mary Healey (A1.MHH@ISUMVS.IASTATE.EDU)
You teach your little brother to skip by getting him to
"canter", then "switch leads" until he's doing
one-tempi flying changes (skipping!).
From: Jeannie Whited (jwhited@gwis.circ.gwu.edu)
your car skids on the ice, you try to leg yield it away from the ditch
and onto the road. And it works.
You know you ride sidesaddle when: it's easier to drive stick, because
you get to use your LEFT leg, too. And your right hand moves the
"cane" (gear shift). it's easier to sit on the sofa's arm than
the cushions. you walk into an antique store, see a fake hair bun, and
think how useful that would be if you ever got your hair cut.
From: Lisa C Krakowka (hck1@cornell.edu)
*you teach your sisters how to post on the arm of the couch before their
first riding lesson.
*You longe your dog and she listens to you.
From: BURCAR@SYSA.ADM.DUKE.EDU [Cheryl]
*Your baby shower gifts include a fleece seat saver.
*You do stalls the morning before your labor is to be induced.
*When the doctor tells you that they have to do a c-section your first
question (much to your spouses horror) is how long will it be until I
can ride? (and you are devastated when he says 6 weeks)
From: Donna Tully (tully@rbdc.wsnc.org)
*Yer boss says "Gooood God! Are horses *all* you ever think about?!
I mean yaour whole life is surrounded by that dang horse. All your
money, time, vacation, friends, lunch breaks (trips to the tack
store;*)), even the vehicle that you drive. Man, its worse than being
married!) And I just sit back and smile and say, "Yep, now if I
could only find a man who was as fanatical about them as me!"
*And when ya don't have to be asked by your non-horsey family what you
want for Christmas anymore, cuz they now get their own Horse catalogs.
*and when your neighbors who have horses as pasture ornaments think your
nuts to ride after work in the winter when its 25 degrees out, in the
dark, and come spring, there full of envy cuz your horse is in shape on
those sunny weekend days and you can ride for hours, and they can't cuz
there critters are balls of fat and fur!
From: Veronique Gillard (gillard@leland.Stanford.EDU)
*You learn you will go on a trip driving from Mass. to New Hampshire and
the first thing that pops to your mind is: "Yes, I will finally be
able to visit State Line Tack"
*and you know your spouse has accepted you as a horse person when he who
can't stand more than one hour at the mall tells you that there should
be a two hours time limit to your visiting State Line Tack.
From: Laurie Beckstead (an869@FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
*Your "weekend away" with your SO is a trip to the trainer's
farm for a lesson (just a quick note...Monte's passed his 30 day
assessment and "I" start riding this weekend :*) )
*Your truck looks like a bomb exploded in a tack shop
*When your "on the road again" and you leave a trail of
shavings (out of your shoes) across the expensive plush carpet in the
hotel room and don't feel guilty about it anymore (I did in the
beginning, now I just don't care cause I'm too tired most of the time)
*Your 4-yr old son "honks" the horn on the western saddle and
you spend five minutes trying to explain the purpose of the horn
*Your laundry consists of horse blankets, saddle pads, bandages,
breeches, and lots and lots of dirty socks and everyone else in the
house votes to appoint you with a "laundry day" after which
you've got to clean out the machines 'cause no one else can stand the
hair
*You start a home-based business in order that you can quit your job and
devote more time to showing and the horses (yes I actually did this)
*You fastidiously groom and bathe your horses, but your truck looks like
it was at the 4x4 mudruns
*Your most prized possession is your saddles (next to the horses of
course)
*You spend your summer weekends travelling all over the country "on
the campaign trail" and insist that the kids come with you even
though they want to go to Marineland and you keep promising "after
Regionals" but then your to dang tired to go to the effort of
planning the trip to Marineland (I'm now planning a May/June trip to
Marineland probably May, after the Spring Show and before Buckeye)
*Your grocery list includes a 2 lb bag of carrots for the house and a 10
lb bag of carrots for the barn
From: Don Zefting (zefting@clpd.Kodak.Com)
Well, today I was held prisoner for about 20 minutes by my new boots.
Oh, I guess you know you're a horse person when you're husband walks
into the bedroom and sees you wearing your underwear and tall black
boots and his only comment is "Oh, did the new boots finally
arrive?"
From: Kathleen Hunt (jespah@u.washington.edu)
*you pass a Marlboro billboard and immediately notice the horse's color,
conformation, possible breed, gait, tack, bit, expression, and whether
or not his mouth is being yanked on; but all you notice about the cowboy
was that it was some guy in a rain slicker.
*you boyfriend gets worried when he overhears you talking to a friend:
"And he had the cutest butt! I happened to be behind him for a
while, and practically couldn't take my eyes off his butt. And he had
really nice legs, and a real strong back, and nice shoulders, and *such*
a pretty face! He came over to say hello once. What a handsome
guy!" When you tell him that you were talking about a horse, he's
not sure whether to be reassured or get even more worried. :-)
*you watch "Brisco County Jr." just because of the horse,
Comet.
From: Peter Neilson (neilson@pmin28.osf.org)
My wife adds these -
*you stay up until two in the morning walking a colicky horse whose name
you don't know and whose owner you've never met.
*you are in a meeting, and you say something in Command Voice, and
someone asks you, "Do you train dogs, or something?"
From: ROSEMARIE ARBUR (ra04@ns1.cc.lehigh.edu)
when you start using baling twine to repair non-horse-related things
DebMare (debmare@aol.com)
*Your horse costs more than your truck or (if you're really committed)
your house!!
*When you'll spend money on new horse blankets before you get yourself a
new winter coat.
*You get all starry eyed over the new Millers catalogue instead of
Victoria's Secret.
*When your horse eats before your husband!!
*When you call cramps a little colic.
*When your horses, dogs, kids and husband all come to the same whistle!!
Celia Wathen (celia@CWATH.DEMON.CO.UK)
Your graphic designer asks you: 'What do you know about Acrobat?'
and you answer 'The stallion?'
and they reply: 'No the program that helps you to check PageMaker by
E-mail on a Mac!'
KHOHM (khohm@aol.com)
You know you're a horse person when you go hiking or walking in the
woods and you wonder why you're not riding. And you used to like hiking!
Denise R Kim-Kusner (drk@titan.oit.umass.edu)
When you not only have a writer's callus, but thumb and finger calluses
from pulling your horse's mane!(not to mention calluses on your palms
where the reins rest!
Terri Gergely (gergely@upanet.uleth.ca)
when you reach into your pocket for your keys, and pull out a handful of
hay, oats, and my favorite, rubber braiding bands !!
Bonney (msmt@msg.ti.com)
when the steering on your car starts to go out and all you can think
about is how "stiff" the car is on one side...
Allison Longaker Bryant (abryant@bnr.ca)
When your ideal birthday weekend extravaganza consists of going to two
days worth of horse shows.
emailid@nd.edu Anita
The bus driver misses your stop and you cry out WHOA.
Laura Carlson (llcarlson@mmm.com)
Or-after hugging your husband he says "is that a carrot in your
pocket or are you happy to see me!"
Veronique Gillard (gillard@leland.Stanford.EDU)
Terri Gergely (gergely@upanet.uleth.ca) wrote: )....when you reach into
your pocket for your keys, and pull out a handful )of hay, oats, and my
favorite, rubber braiding bands !! even more so when you are at a
business meeting and fish out of the pocket of your suit: braiding
bands, bits of shavings, an old horse cookie and your competitor number,
while looking for a pen. You try to sneak everything back in quietly
while you remember that you used the jacket of this suit at your last
show because your real show jacket was at the cleaner.
Rachel Magnus (ram@FRAME.COM)
Well, you know when you're a horse person when the highlight of your
workday is looking out the window at the mounted police walking through
the park & remarking to a co-worker Wow! Look at that bay with
AWESOME bushy tail with a blunt cut!
eastman (eastman@solstice.jpl.nasa.gov)
You know you're a horseperson when you drive 14 miles out and back in
the rain in the morning to blanket your horse and then forget to take an
umbrella to work.
Betty Stapert (bstapert_at_gw41@IMA.ISD.STATE.IN.US)
You know you're a horse person (finally!) when you're at work and you
say the dr. hasn't called me back yet, and your co-worker says,
"You or the horse???"
Linley Crackel (lcrackel@DOT.WA.GOV.AU)
......your fellow office workers (all males) ask you to swap over the
empty Aqua Vital mineral water bottle for a full one. They know darn
well that you are only one who can lift a heavy 19 liter bottle
(weighing in at a good 15 kgs or so) over your head AND aim it properly
at the dispenser without spilling a drop! And you thought lugging those
sacks of horse feed and emptying them into 44 gallon feed drums didn't
have any side benefits???? Ptooey....
*Your S.O. gives you a new pitch fork and a shovel
for Christmas and you're thrilled and all your friend (except on E-L)
think you're wacky.
*Your truck dies in the coldest part of the winter and you pick up hay
in your Hyundai (pony of course)...six bales inside...four on the roof!
"Jeannine Towler (JJ)" (jjtowler@PEN.K12.VA.US)
*Tara Scholtz baits you with the news that the November issue of HORSE
AND RIDER has an article on Khemosabi (Guenevere's grandaddy) and you
spend every free moment calling tack shops and bookstores, some
long-distance, to find someone who sells that magazine!
Liz Steacie (liz@CYBERTAP.COM)
You *really* know you are a horse person when 10 messages on your mail
download have the subject line "To Bang or Not to Bang", and
you *know* that it is horse's tails under discussion.... My technical
manager was aghast ... (he happened to be standing behind me when I did
a mail download) ... I think his mind is in the gutter.... I had to open
one message to show him how perfectly innocent I am :-)
Becky Smith (bsmando@MICRON.NET)
You know you're a horse person when you post a subject of "To bang
or not to bang" and never even think of any other meanings that
those words could imply.
Nikki Ward (u913558@STUDENT.CANBERRA.EDU.AU)
*You try to book a seat at the Spanish Riding School BEFORE you buy your
airline tickets - because you'd rather change all your other plans
before missing that show!
geoff & ana (geoffana@vossnet.co.uk)
*You tell the kids to "walk-on" when crossing the road and
tell them to go and "muck out" their bedrooms.
*You click your tongue and shout "come on" when overtaking in
the car.
*you pull change out of your pocket together with a mixture of hay, pony
nuts and shavings.
*Your car boot (trunk) and seats are permanently covered in hay and
feed.
*You insist the wife washes the numnah's and rugs first not your own
clothes.
Sue Zirbes (suez@R6ALPH.IRM.R6.FWS.GOV)
you vault walls as if you were mounting bareback IN YOUR WEDDING GOWN
:-) :-) [Kris, I beat you to it publically] Paula, it was just sooo
graceful!
Nora Fischbach (kelsey@SOHO.IOS.COM)
You know you're a horseperson when your horse thinks she's a dog, your
dog thinks she's a cat, your cats think they are people, and you KNOW
you were a horse in a former life.
Beth Dzaugis (bdzaugis@CHIPCOM.COM)
..you are shopping and place the big package between your knees to hold
it so you can read the magazine with both hands. (and you know no one
will think this is odd because your in a tack store)
Yon Mild Rider (wallace@neta.con)
You can clean your geldings sheath and not gross-out
Adrienne Regard (regard@hpsdde.sdd.hp.com)
You slice a divot out of your own hand cutting grass for the horses with
a hand sickle. 7 stitches. No, I couldn't just let them graze
instead....
pjk@osuunx.ucc.okstate.edu
YKYAHPW your first major accident happens because of a horse. I got 8
stitches because my horse threw his head up and ran my teeth through my
bottom lip.
Dawna Clephas (dewc2833@roanoke.infi.net)
*You have *animated* discussions with your pals about how to remove
ticks from private parts...
Horsewoman (jb0235@onramp.net)
*You are eating lunch out and can continue to eat, not missing a
mouthful, and discuss the surgery on a horses leg and all the awful
details.
*When you see any large vacant building, like a old walmart or kmart and
think what a wonderful indoors arena it would make.
mulqueen@clpd.Kodak.Com Paul J. Mulqueen
*When you find dressage more interesting than show jumping.
*When you wonder why people look at you funny when you tell them horse
manure doesn't smell.
*When the most sincere hugs you give are to your horse.
Becky Smith (bsmando@MICRON.NET)
Hey- You know you're a horse person when someone sends you 400lbs of
feed to sample!
Karen Belove (WJXH96A@prodigy.com)
*you no longer believe bicycles belong on woody trails
*you count strides to the crack in the sidewalk, and then step over it
*the pockets of all your jackets are filled with used cigarette butts (I
never drop them on the ground)
*your friends and relatives stop asking when you're going to get
married, and always ask how the horse is instead
*you pay the board bill before your mortgage
*you pay the farrier before the phone bill
*you spend more time brushing your horse's mane and tail than you'd ever
spend on your own hair
*you horse has more kinds of shampoo and conditioner than you have
*you never go away on vacation because you vacation 4x a week when you
ride your horse.
*you'll let your trainer yell at you, but will cut off your boss' head
if he looks at you funny
*you think they should outlaw air brakes on trucks
*you're mad at the world, have a superior ride on your horse, then go
home thinking the world is really a pretty great place.
Maria Meister (mariam@ect.com)
*You have more pictures of your horses in your office than your family
members (and dogs, too!).
*Your friends have to move your saddle or horse blanket out of the seat
every time they get in your car.
*Your employer understands and allows you to leave early because you
have to meet the vet or the farrier.
*When people ask you for your phone number, you start the list of
numbers with your stables, then your car phone (for while you are in
transit to the barn) and then your home phone number.
caroline (schs001@tcp.co.uk)
you have to have a cold supper because the kettle is cooking for a bran
mash and the pan on the other ring is full of linseed.
Sally Barns (sbarns@COFS.WASHINGTON.EDU)
you insist to your SO during a game of Scrabble that "oxer"
is, too, a word, even if it ISN'T in the dictionary, and spend a good
half-hour poring over horse books to find it in writing. (Not sure he
was completely convinced, even after that.)
"DeLapp, Dorothy" (DDelapp@SFGHMED.UCSF.EDU)
When you ask on election day how the mayor's race is going and he gives
you a blank look then says "oh, I thought you meant a mare's
race."
Susan Deike (suzy@CANUCK.COM)
You are walking up the stairs to your office and you see a patch of mud
on the stairs. On closer observation, it appears to have bits of hay and
manure in it. You stop, look around to make sure nobody is around, and
you pick it up and drop it to the very bottom of the stairwell where
nobody ever goes... 'cause you just know it came from YOUR boots.
Jan Ellis (Jan@EDC.ORG)
*as you ride in your car, you evaluate fences and other obstacles for
their jumpability. How's the footing on the approach and landing? What
line would I take? How difficult does it look? etc., etc.
*you estimate human conception dates based on an 11-month gestation
period.
Alseg (alseg@aol.com)
you drive over potholes and practice sitting the trot while your car
shakes over the road
Richard Pelot (rpelot@FOXNET.NET) Amanda
*The sound of a hoof step or a whinny on the TV brings you dashing into
the room. There you must stay until they show that horse again, and when
they do you quickly analyse its breed, conformation, eye appeal, gender,
attitude, level of training, and then decide if you would own it or not.
*Every conversation you ever start, always seems to end up being about
horses. eg.
victim: "What about this weather?"
you: "It really has been too cold out lately, although my horses
like it" victim: "You have horses?"
you: "Sure I do! I have these two really sweet ones, their names
are..."
And then you are in heaven because there is someone new to tell ALL
about your horses :)
Whitney Ellis (wcellis@.MISSING-HOST-NAME.)
You find yourself clucking to your car when it doesn't want to start in
the morning.
Ishtar000 (ishtar000@aol.com)
You cannot get up for work but wake up an hour too early to make it to
the 7 am Hunter Pace
"William P. Milam" (milam@fmsrlu.srl.ford.com)
You know your wife is a horse person when... *New horses appear in your
pasture unannounced!
*You have to duck around the saddle racks in the garage when you get out
of the car!
*You buy a pick up truck because you like them, and she puts a trailer
hitch on it! (We don't even have a trailer anymore!)
*Repairing the loft door is a higher priority than replacing the front
porch!
*You actually begin to talk 'baby' talk to that new colt, which you
don't own YET, in your barn.
*And the number one way to tell your wife is a horse person is...(drumroll)...
You find yourself reading rec.equestrian at work and printing copies to
take home to the wife!
CB Leek (cleek@terra.nlnet.nf.ca)
You spend $515 plane fare, $314 rent-a-car, and stay at your former SO's
in order to ride your horse for a week.
jeffiwood@eworld.com Jeffi Wood
when you look at your clothes during an important presentation and
realize the green tinge is left over from early morning blanketing
duty...are those sniffs in your direction? never brush against the back
half of those blankets!
Clare E. Aukofer (cea5w@avery.med.Virginia.EDU)
You tell your small animal vet that your cat's flea bite dermatitis
looks like rainrot.
Patricia Schwalm (pschwalm@cantor.math.luc.edu)
You know you're *daughter* is a horse person when she asks if she can
wash her saddle pad with her clothes, because she doesn't have a full
load and doesn't want her brother's clothes contaminating hers.
Anne Howard/Cheryl Tibbetts (vpt@CRUZIO.COM)
* you tell your patients to lift their withers.
* you classify human students by breed type! :-)
* you scan crowds of people at the mall and rate them as good, average,
or bad movers...consider corrective shoeing for the obviously lame
ones...
* a night chatting with your horse and doing a mini-beauty treatment
(mane pull, deep curry, hooficure) is the best fix for "da
blues."
* you practice transitions in the car during your commute, complete with
seat aids and the occasional cluck to the car.
Marsha J. Valance (valance@omnifest.uwm.edu)
*You keep a spare curb chain in your purse for emergencies
*The family photos are in the bedroom; the horse photos in the den *The
board check is paid before any other bill
*Your instructor and vet are the only non-family on your speed-dial
*You always have new foal pictures in your wallet
*The photo Christmas cards feature the horses
*You have memorized the addresses of your breed association and AHSA
Robert Webb (jwebb101@ix.netcom.com) Jill
your husband has absorbed so much horse terminology he refers to one of
'his' basketball team's players as 'coming up lame'.
CB Leek (cleek@terra.nlnet.nf.ca)
The only remotely x-rated pic in your office is that of a gelding with
his male member partly extended. ;-) Does wonders for the 'macho types'
who think they're the greatest!
Roberta L. Taylor (aa2kz@GTI.NET)
You know you're a horse person when you love them enough to let them go.
Susan Scaro (scamp@odi.com)
You tell a person "The mud was so deep it sucked the Tingley right
off!" and wonder why they give you a strange look...
David Heinkel (heink001@maroon.tc.umn.edu)
Catherine Wallace
*Your husband complains that he is not a horse when you back hand him
when he bumps into you when walking in a store. I don't like pushy
horses in the heard and have picked that one up. Bad habit.
*on a icy winter road you tell the truck Whoa! as it goes to slid when
you put on the brakes. Its worst yet when I yell Whoa at the driver's
when I work Auto races and they go off course.
Lisa Cowan (ADXZ42C@prodigy.com)
You're at the post office looking at the Santa and his Reindeer cutouts
on the wall, and all you really think about is how all the reindeer are
hanging their knees and they better get better form if they're going to
continue this jumping thing!
Kim Welch (MNJS25A@prodigy.com) Heidi Scholes
*You find it much easier to buy presents for you horsy friends than your
non-horsey ones.
*You hate shopping, but will drive 60 miles to check out a new tack
shop.
*Every item on your own list to Santa can be picked up at the tack shop
or the grain store!
Sue Wong (swong@samson.hac.com)
You are waiting in a parking lot and you see a vacant Food Lion grocery
store. By the time your husband has got back to the car, you've figured
a way to make an *awesome* indoor arena out of it.
"Dawn L. Martinez-Byrne" (dlmbyrne@cyberg8t.com)
You tell your husband he's going shopping because he needs to get shod.
"Deborah A. Jones" (jonesd@lafvax.lafayette.edu)
You are browsing in a book store. You see a book call Quantum Leap. It
takes a second for you to realize it's probably not about Grand Prix
jumping especially given that you are looking in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy
section.
Gail Phillips (nathorse@VIOLET.BERKELEY.EDU)
You're walking down the main street of your city and you step in a dried
up pile of horse biscuits and you think nothing of it for about twenty
steps, then it dawns on you and you wonder what a horse was doing
downtown.
Nanette Harley (0003117202@MCIMAIL.COM)
You take a corner just a tad too fast in your little sports car and you
concentrate on not collapsing the inside hip...
Sue Carnell (wez@mail.eclipse.co.uk)
People AND Horses send you messages asking for carrots, apples and equal
rights for equines!!!
Jason Todd Howland (jhowland@awinc.com)
you have to hit the brakes on your truck *hard*, and you yell WHOA!
Mark Barry (markbar@ix.netcom.com) aka Tiffany
You move your horse to a beautiful new stable on a bright, clear October
afternoon and when you turn him out in that big, grassy field, he takes
a look around him and takes off a-runnin' and a-buckin' and a-fartin'
like he had never been out of a stall before. He's jest a big ol' bay
horse until he gets that TB blood fired up and then he looks like the
cover of King of the Wind (the book you checked out so much in
elementary school the librarian cut you off)--nostrils flared, coat
gleaming in the crisp air, and he's the most beautiful thing you've ever
seen. When he's happy, he runs with his tail straight up in the air like
an Arabian and your chest aches with happiness: this is the way it
should be. He finds another TB and it's a match race!!!! I can get to
the end of the field first, naahhh... When you get home, your SO asks
you how the moving went. "Fine," you say, trying to think of
the word that describes such a perfect moment. You give up.
"Fine." That word doesn't exist in any language.
Katharine Cummings (kcumming@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu)
You use your mouse pad to pad the inside of the metal 'sling' of your
horse's special 'fetlock support shoe' to help try to heal the
cast/bandage sores he's developed on his fetlock during the healing of
his tendon injury. (If this works - we just tried it last night - I can
hardly wait to tell this one to the vets at Cornell!) The mouse pad has
a perfect 'spongy' consistency far better than that of cotton/sheet
bandages!
Karen Belove (WJXH96A@prodigy.com)
*you answer and don't think twice about it when someone calls you your
horse's name.
*you see a cute guy walking down the street and you say he has a nice
"hind end"
*you'll drive an hour in a snowstorm to ride your horse, but God forbid
you have to drive 1/2 hour to a friend's house for dinner.
*your friends no longer ask to get together with you on a weekend
afternoon because they know you'll say -- "I can't, I have to
ride."
DebKryger (debkryger@aol.com)
You go around a turn a tad too fast and you say "eeeeeeeeezzzzz
girl".
Elaine Normandy (elaine@rainbow.rmii.com)
Your husband goes to the doctor with an attack of bursitis and you find
yourself telling your friends: The vet says he'll be off for a week....
Sarah Pinsker (spinsker@rwd.goucher.edu)
*you cluck to your car to get it to accelerate.
*you forego paying your phone bill (too expensive) but buy a new pair of
breeches.
A Jones Laura (alaura@mail1.sas.upenn.edu)
you get into "Jumping position" over speed bumps!!!
pjk@osuunx.ucc.okstate.edu
You know you're a horse person when your sole purpose in buying a five
pound coffee can is to use as a grain can.
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